Fin

If endings would be beautiful, they won't be ending anyways..they would just be new beginnings. But not all endings have the seeds of a new start within them..Period

P.S "Fin in French means "The End".

Perfection..It ain't

Season

Winters are usually my favorite season, i just love the cold foggy weather. But this time around just on the onset it has started to seem all gloomy and depressing. Maybe its the state of mind rather the degree of temperature around.

Insomnia

I can hear the tick-tock of the clock in my room, and it ain't any music, i have been trying to sleep for almost past 2 hours but sadly i am still wide awake. So i can conclude the sleepless nights are back again, or maybe it should be sleep deprived..nahh sleep less... but sleep derived...
English is a complicated language "sigh"

State of mind...maybe heart

Next Life- Die as an orgasm?

Blue Eyed Creature

I don't know how to pose but I know I look beautiful naturally, so go ahead capture me... arghh!! as in take my photograph ( I wish you were capable of understanding my language better, illiterate you!) - the blue eyed creature

Dream or a nightmare?

You wake up in the middle of night screaming and almost crying, as you look around you realize, you were dreaming and it wasn’t for real…..still you get down from your bed and walk across the room to see your loved one- sleeping soundly…With a sigh of relief you take a deep breath and wipe off the beads of sweat from your forehead and go back to bed. As you put your head on the pillow and close your eyes you somewhere thank God that it was just a nightmare.

Shantaram

Sometimes we love with nothing more than hope. Sometimes we cry with everything except tears. In the end that’s all there is: love and its duty, sorrow and its truth. In the end that’s all we have – to hold on tight until the dawn.

Some feelings sink so deep into the heart that only loneliness can help you find them again. Some truths are so painful that only shame can help you live with them. Some things are so sad that only your soul can do the crying for them.

The world and I are not on the speaking terms. The world tries to win me back, but it doesn’t work. I guess I’m just not the forgiving type.”

Oxymoron

Read this 2 years back on web somewhere and my first reaction was what crap!! How can smile hide pain, isn’t smiling a reflection of the bubbling happiness inside..The ultimate purpose of smiling is defeated if it is so to camouflage the pain inside. Well that for 2 years back.

Today I searched it again, because don’t know it suddenly seemed true..Perceptions changed or maybe life per se.. The hurt is there but I still manage to smile and even the people closest to me don’t realize it .Yes the smile perfectly hides the torrent of emotions inside me..

Reblogged

On Expectations

One of the worst things you can do to the people around you is to have expectations that you’re not clear about yourself, or you are and they don’t know about it. It’s the easiest way to sour a relationship – any kind of relationship. Don’t go hoping the other side’s telepathically connected to you and knows exactly what you want. They’re not, and they don’t. As close as your relationship is, in my experience (as meagre as it may be) nothing is ever close enough to convey well enough what you want, when you want it and who you want it from. Give it a shot the first time, wait to see if the other side picks up the hints, and if they don’t, do both of yourselves a favour and lay all your cards on the table. Ditch the poker faces and ask what you want to. And if they can’t give it to you, stop expecting them to. Just stop. Don’t push them on and on and on and on till everytime you talk to them it’s all they can do to stop gritting their teeth or punching the wall till their knuckles bleed but still they listen to you because they don’t want to let you down though you can’t pick up the hints. It can happen.

Better yet, nip this all in the bud. Try not to have any expectations of what you mean to others and what they’d be ready to do for you. You do mean a lot and vice versa, no doubt, but for the love of God, listen to what the other side is saying if you do end up having expectations. But try not to expect too much from anyone, it’s not worth it in the end.

No, there are no exceptions. No one. Not even the guy you saved from the burning building or who you helped pass his last examination. No one owes you what you think they do. You, on the other hand, might owe them something. Think about that.

P.S. This isn't a orginal post, read it on some blog which i can't remmeber.In case you know, let me know too..soo that i could give the rightful credit :)

Good Times

Sometimes you sit back and realize – time has just swept by and you have come miles from the inane discussions to logical opinions..from puerile rivalry to unconditional care ..from shouting to understanding...yet with all the whacky sense of humor completely intact…That’s a relationship siblings share…Beautiful isn't it!!

Hmmm..the occasion is bhai's birthday for all my sweetness towards him( before i get back to my devilish self i thought i will pen this down) And yes it isn't all sweetness..the cake ofcourse was, but coupled with the innumerable candles on it had a prizeless expression on his face( his silence meant - ur bday isn't very far)
To which i quickly said- this is just a reminder of all the beautiful years of your life you have lived by( ofcourse i didn't meant it, neither did he believe)
Well i am almost waiting for the revenge with the wide grin on my face.
Beat that, can you!

Quoted

'Pain, you just have to ride it out, hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers, you just breath deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time pain can be managed but sometimes the pain gets you where you least expect it. Hits way below the belt and doesn’t let up. Pain, you just have to fight through, because the truth is you can’t outrun it and life always makes more'
-Grey’s Anatomy

"Now I don’t see anything evil in a desire to make money. But money is only a means to some end. If a man wants it for a personal purpose — to invest in his industry, to create, to study, to travel, to enjoy luxury — he’s completely moral. But the men who place money first go much beyond that. Personal luxury is a limited endeavor. What they want is ostentation: to show, to stun, to entertain, to impress others… At the price of their own self-respect. In the realm of greatest importance — the realm of values, of judgment, of spirit, of thought — they place others above self, in the exact manner which altruism demands. A truly selfish man cannot be affected by the approval of others. He doesn’t need it".
Ayn Rand,The Fountainhead

Fragile

“Somehow she feared that any difference of opinion would chip away at the already frail bond that existed between them……..”

P.S. Not always a story is required to describe relationships, sometimes even a line or two can do the needful.

Choice

You know you are going to get hurt,
You know it is wrong, and is going to leave you with pangs of guilt,
You know your fragile trust would break even with a harsh word,
You know it all, but you still can’t convince yourself
You still decide to give it a shot…

Just preferences

I prefer a notebook over a monitor screen…just like that
I prefer going for a jog in th greens over gym…..nature calling
I prefer the star dazzled sky over the blue skies….doesn’t strain the eyes
I prefer staying up late over waking up early…..blame it over the genes
I prefer reading a book over watching a movie.....voice of an avid reader
I prefer coffee over tea & yes vodka over beer….sumthing to do with tasting buds i believe
I prefer SUVs over MUVs ….i know it doesn’t really matter though
I prefer the fragrance of after shaves over perfumes....though i use none
I prefer waiting over keeping someone wait....i prefer the difficult parts
I prefer to live over just being alive.....just a matter of a prefix
I prefer being myself

Is it Life or just Us

When you’re young, your whole life is about the pursuit of fun. Then, you grow up and learn to be cautious. You could break a bone or a heart. You look before you leap and sometimes you don’t leap at all because there’s not always someone there to catch you. And in life, there’s no safety net. When did it stop being fun and start being scary?

Read it somewhere long back, can’t recall where, maybe some book or some blog

Mirage

Sometimes even a right action fires back unto you,
Sometimes even the right words are misunderstood
Sometimes even the closest people break your trust
Sometimes even beautiful dreams end up as nightmares
And what do you do- if that “Sometimes becomes Most of the times”
You still trust, you still do the right… and you still live
Because it is through that tear in your eye, when cast through light

That you SOMETIMES see the rainbow…….

Maze of my thoughts

Just A Quote

The early bird catches the worm; a stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can’t pretend we haven’t been told. We’ve all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to ‘seize the day’. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today’s possibility under tomorrow’s rug until we can’t anymore, until we finally understand for ourselves like Benjamin Franklin meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping. And that even the biggest failure, even the worst most intractable mistake beats the hell out of never trying."

— Grey’s Anatomy

Lost Horizon

At 2 in the night her mother’s cell phone rang, with her daughter’s name flashing on it. She quickly picked it up as she was already getting restless waiting for her to return from the office party. At the other end of the phone, she heard a male voice, he said something. And her mother came out rushing on the street. She was being helped by 2 men from her office , helping her walk back home
She was drunk , bereft of everything going around her
Next morning, when she woke up , she had no idea what had happened the previous night, her head was paining. Hangover, she thought.
She called up her friend who told her everything- from how she got drunk to the extent that she lost all her sense , even started abusing around , and finally had to be dropped back home by her office colleagues..She was ashamed, not because it would be difficult to face everyone in the office around but for the fact that what her mother would have felt when she would have seen her in that state
The next question that she asked was- Was HE around? Did HE came forward to help me?
Her friend replied – yes he was..just as a spectator
She felt a pang of pain she knew he wasn’t the man, but she had still got herself to believe that he is a nice and caring individual and he likes her and maybe with time will even start loving her too. Somewhere when she started she knew it was superficial and there is nothing lasting in the relationship, , but she felt good with him being around, even if that was momentarily at least she didn’t feel lonely any more.
She still had to face her family, so she just brushed the pain in her heart away and mustered up the courage to face her mother and sister. She stepped out of her room, her mother was all paranoid, shouted on her, taunted her, even slapped her whereas her younger sister decided not to talk to her, she just stood there silently .because she knew what she did was grossly wrong and deserved every bit of what she was getting now
Few hours later ,there were some bills to be paid, her mother was looking at (her father had passed away five years back and financially they were a bit strained), she came forward and took the bills from her mother’s hand and said I will pay them, I have my salary left with me.
What followed would have a left a normal individual very satisfied but for her- it broke her completely
Her mother smiled, and got normal completely forgetting about the incident that had happened just last night. She was in for a shock, wondering how could her mother just forgive her so easily forget the blunder she had done, got a bad name for the family… It left her baffled
She thought to herself, why did her mother forgive her so easily? Was it the fact that she paying the money? Or her mother had suddenly transformed into being super magnanimous, which was so much unlike her.
When she later told me the incident- I told her maybe her mother thought that “at least you were getting responsible and what had happened last night was a mistake and you will never repeat it, and that is the reason she is behaving normally, taunting you every now and then won’t help any which ways”
I wish that was the truth, but that wasn’t
Her mother was ok with EVERYTHING she did, as long she handed over the money she earned.
At that one moment her all moves seems justified, going into wrong relationships, getting physically close to people just for the heck of it., drinking alcohol ,and even smoking which she had just started lately.

P.S There isn’t a end to this post , because I myself don’t know what will follow next in her life, I wish sometimes only sometimes there were fairy God mothers for real because some people badly need them .

C’est lavie

I can’t wake up in the morning, I mean early mornings. Though I can be awake till dawn and then be super active for the following day at least till.dusk without sleeping On that I am even better than owls.(bwahahaha) And contrary when I sleep for 7-8 hours, I can still be yawning the next day throughout feeling all sleepy and lazy .
I know I am a strange creature.
So the task of waking me up in the mornings was quite an uphill one,mumma used to wake me and bhai up around the same time for school, he had to leave 15 minutes earlier than me so I used to persist that he should wake up first and take a bath(there was only one bathroom), in the meantime I could catch 10-15 minutes of my beauty sleep. There were days he used to get ready and was about to leave and I was still sleeping coz mumma forgot to come to check on me again probably she got busy in packing the lunch for us. On days like that, my school bus use to be waiting outside, mumma use to be tying my hair, papa use to be tying my shoe laces( yes I didn’t know how to tie my shoe laces till 4th grade ,) and I use to be struggling with my glass of milk, which never seemed to finish . Of course this was multitasking, sadly only for my parents
So on days when she use to get tired of waking me up, she use to say that –I m going, “papa is going to come and wake you up now” and hearing this I use to jump to my feet ,.. No, my dad isn’t as temperamental as Amrish Puri in some villainous role , but he doesn’t have the patience to wake a moron like me specially in mornings, although I am my dad’s favorite over bhai but somehow he used to get impatient and irritated if I didn’t wake up immediately. It was rear when mom opted to blackmailing of this sort though, because when she did ,she knew I would get nasty and not take my lunch, (yes I was like this or maybe I still am)
Almost 3 years that mom passed away, I try wake up myself now, but ask dad to wake me up in case I don’t wake up by myself. Its surprising, he has become more tolerant and patient, he doesn’t get irritated if I don’t wake up immediately, and when I go off to sleep in mornings( exam time, I study thru night and catch up my sleep in morning) he just comes into the room to switch off the lights, remove the books from my bed and covers me with a blanket. This is so much unlike him Circumstances, sometimes change us, and we don’t even realize
Mornings have surely become better, yes I do miss mom, but its comforting to know that dad is around to take care just like mom did..And on Sundays he lets me sleep till I the time I don’t wake up myself, just like mom did 

Also there is a song – C’est la vie by Shania Twain, not one among my favorites but a line or two in between just seems perfect to add some rhyme to this post
Don't let it get to you
C'est la vie! That's life,
and that's how it's gonna be
C'est la vie! Hold tight,
it comes right eventually

Yes it does comes right eventually ( at least I would like to believe it)

P.S.- I Don’t Love you

The other day I was getting late for college,(usually I m always late) so was running down the stairs to the metro station..and almost tipped..and then heard a stranger behind me – “easy girl” I looked back and he smiled and said- “careful, you will fall” I smiled back for the concern before I started my marathon again
No I didn’t fall in love with the person on first sight… :P
The point I have to make here is- that sometimes even a stranger cares for you, without a reason, without a thought..which we then call “being human”. But then why is it- that when you care about the people you know or are somehow associated with- why at that point your concern and care is taken for something more- Why does the other person starts thinking that you are in love with him , heads over heels for him or just want something in return for the concern you have for him.
Well with all the logic that I could put into this, I could only derive upon this-that it just seems ironic how can anyone care for us without a reason or rhyme., unconditionally that it..its hard to believe how can an acquaintance be concerned for us without any ulterior motive to the root of it
My concern for a classmate got him thinking that I was in love with him and is available for him. This is one of the instance among many other.
In another of its kind, a teacher whom i almost thought of as a mentor,consulted him with career related issues i had, ended up trying to somehow initiate sexual talk to see how receptive i was. I was in for a shock ( no i am not exaggerating)

Phewww, some people are better left to their troubles and their lonesome lives because if you help them they think – they have a chance with you

If u think I m Mother Teresa, no I am not, I don’t go around making everyone happy but yes I somehow spontaneously end up being concerned for the people I know, I believe everyone does. But for me it has been dangerously firing back.
.

Self help or something like that

Life !! Is it just what our thoughts and actions make it or is it predetermined??
Quite a hackneyed question…but does make sense when you are going crazy inside your mind – now that clearly states the state of mind in which I am typing this :)

There are times when nothing seems to be going right – career, relationships, social life( mine is non- existent though) etc …but then doesn’t all those self help books says that- when it is darkest, dawn is just minutes away…well being an insomniac I would say- dawn is just minutes away when you can hear the birds chit-chatting – ohh I mean chirping of course.
Why is there a need to constantly prove yourself to your family, relatives, friends, peer group – right from getting into a good college to bagging a good job and finally a nice spouse ( although I personally don’t know how nice is actually “nice”) Don’t we sometimes get too lost in this race to proving ourselves to the standards of others that we actually forget why we even got into doing something. The purpose, the-so-called-set goals get dissolved rather hazed in the race of standing up to every1’s expectations.
That what I believe pressure is, the competition which starts somewhere between you and some else, or you and life or a list of Have- to-accomplish-before-dying.
I believe if we can just leave those pressures – moving ahead, fighting on, chasing your dreams, embracing failure/setbacks becomes more easier and
Life – it just gets more livable.

Can't Stop thinking

Thinking- it is one of the faculties we enjoy by the virtue of being born human. But quite often the rationality part goes missing as in when our thoughts stop making sense even to ourselves ( i m sure i m not d only one with weird thinking rather weird thoughts) i believe we all teter between the rational and irrational bits

Cloud 9

"I am on cloud 9"...can hardly recall when was the last time i muttered this phrase to myself. For me rather for all it just connotes happiness beyond our expectations..Does that mean i am not happy :(
Oops i did use it,infact just an hour back and that too in quite a melliflous way, cloud number 9,again its Bryan Admas :) ( just a meek attempt to justify the title of my blog)
"Happiness is just like a butterfly, if you run after it,it runs away...just stand still and it will come and sit on your shoulder"
“Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.”
Why do we need quotes to remind us that the purpose of everything that we want/wanted to do had the pursuit of happyness ingrained in it,when it commenced. A dream job, loving partner, a big house,whatever it might have been.
Well i am in the same ship..drowning
i would be happy when i get a job in my dream company
I would be happy when i get a understanding partner( does that mean bf,hmmm)
Th closer i get to my dreams/conditions for happiness the more vague it gets, as in dreams comes in with their own set of complications which make me forget completly that i was supposed to be happy after reaching where i m.
Without futher complicating it, the gist is I don't need to pursue happiness,i can pursue my dreams without procrastinating my happiness. I can be happy in this very moment, resons, i m sure are galore if i explore.

Getting Started

Bingo- i m a Bryan Adam fan,but the title isn't about my craziness for bryan adam's music.That is what it appears on the surface, digging in, it just says i want to be young for the rest of my life...lol...Botox..wat say? That isn't possible ..did i hear that...?? Ok i am yet to figure out that part

Life- has that conjunction hidden in it "if", quite often our dreams get hitched with"IF" and gets

buried deep inside us sumwhere. This blog is that corner where i eradicate the ifs and buts and pen down everything and anything.And that is one reason I will the invisible friend.

Hoping to get started ASAP :)